I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
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I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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