This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Buhtt sex?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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