I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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