I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
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I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
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At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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