Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she peed on how many people?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize