wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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