..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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