Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
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What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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