Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
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She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
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Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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