I think I just saw someone hide a body.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
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I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
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When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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