Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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