I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
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I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
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Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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