i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
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The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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