Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize