please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
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she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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