i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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