do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
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I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
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Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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