She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This house was built for laser tag.
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My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
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Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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