Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
smell my finger.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
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First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
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Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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