We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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