I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize