Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize