my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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