That's when you crack a 10am beer
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
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I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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