she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
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So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
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I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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