Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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