just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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