According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
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I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
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I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We don't watch enough power rangers
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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