I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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