Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize