Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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