Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
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She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
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Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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