Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.

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(703): I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight. http://tfl.nu/7bae

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(662): View more from Mississippi

I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.

(662): View more from Mississippi

He was trying to put me in handcuffs.

(1-662): View more from Mississippi

You have my attention.

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(662): I scissor kicked a one legged man last night. (662): He was trying to put me in handcuffs. (1-662): You have my attention. http://tfl.nu/abr0

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(281): View more from Texas

Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.

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(281): Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle. http://tfl.nu/lbmt

Replies (43) Good night (6278) Bad night (849)
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(630): View more from Illinois

You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.

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(630): You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem. http://tfl.nu/xqri

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(843): View more from South Carolina

70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.

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(843): 70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up. http://tfl.nu/l18e

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(515): View more from Iowa

I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there

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(515): I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there http://tfl.nu/h3ha

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(408): View more from California

i fucked her mom dude

(1-408): View more from California

there's something to tell the kids

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(408): i fucked her mom dude (1-408): there's something to tell the kids http://tfl.nu/gneu

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.

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(215): Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too. http://tfl.nu/we0x

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(615): View more from Tennessee

The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.

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(615): The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted. http://tfl.nu/wtc2

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(845): View more from New York

you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage

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(845): you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage http://tfl.nu/ot1n

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(801): View more from Utah

He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.

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(801): He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life. http://tfl.nu/m63k

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(512): View more from Texas

It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends

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(512): It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends http://tfl.nu/i1vw

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(410): View more from Maryland

Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.

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(410): Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men. http://tfl.nu/tvw2

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(513): View more from Ohio

It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up

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(513): It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up http://tfl.nu/rfwb

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(928): View more from Arizona

The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.

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(928): The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death. http://tfl.nu/lz31

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