Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
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He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
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I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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