I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize