omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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