I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
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I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
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75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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