her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize