this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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