So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
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if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
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Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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