You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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