Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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