I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize