i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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