we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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