How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he quoted the bible to break up with me
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The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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