awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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