I don't usually arrange sex via text message
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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