I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
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his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
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I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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