I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Bring me that man meat
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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